Appreciating christmas

What a wonderful Christmas it was this year. My oldest son asked me what about this Christmas did I enjoy and I answered, “Just having you here”. It is true, seeing my family around me was the biggest joy of my life. I missed one son who could not make it, but to have the majority of my family with me brought me supreme joy. After they all left my wife and I cuddled for a few moments with a cup of hot chocolate and our thoughts to just appreciate the moment of happiness we both felt. It is about appreciation I must write about, seeing it is directly after Christmas. William James, a pioneering American psychologist and philosopher once said, “The deepest craving in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." I knew it was true of me of course for I know my soul so very well, but to imagines it is also true for others is a bit of an eye-opener for me. To think that all of us, each and every human being on earth craves being appreciated more than anything else, even heavenly beings! Wow!

It makes so much sense though as I consider this point, that appreciation is so important to everyone. It makes the wonder and magic of Christmas come alive with explanation. It is the essence of all great writings having to do with Christmas such as “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. Also “The Greatest Gift” written by Philip Van Doren Stern which became one of the most endearing and enduring Christmas stories ever put to film by Hollywood, in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. These stories are all about appreciation. I will leave out the greatest Christmas story of all and the real meaning of Christmas for just a few minutes longer as I continue to tell you of my appreciation.

I am struck with a spirit of love and appreciation that is so strong during Christmas. If I had the money I would shower everyone with gifts. In our family we have a great gift-giving-arrangement which takes all the waste out of Christmas, we tell each other what we want and we get what we want at Christmas. No one is too extreme in their requests as we follow the unwritten rule that we would not ask of others what we ourselves could not give. Everyone is happy. We all get the “presents-thing” out of the way and we go on to enjoy our relationships and have fun. This year my youngest son dazzled us with a mind teaser game that made everyone think and laugh.

Of course Christmas is not always fun. There are the moments of emotionalism that are tied to past hurts, anger and guilt, and marred relationships that we must deal with; however these often turn into opportunities for healing. Some of us have no families and we spend Christmas alone or with other families and that makes for lonesome times and unhappiness. I feel sorry for those who are alone, and my wife and I try to make room for such ones to enjoy with us the holidays if possible.

Overall I am glad for Christmas though I have been known to be somewhat of a scrooge myself in dragging my feet in putting decorations up and getting in the spirit; but in the end I am always happy that Christmas has come with all of it’s emotions bad and good. I didn’t get to spend Christmas with everyone I would like to this year, but I did spend it well with those I was with. Though my wife had to put up the tree herself this year, I eventually showed up for the celebration. It is because during Christmas I eventually find the power of appreciation. I am reminded of the things I am grateful for; small and large – and that is what Christmas should be about.

The real Christmas celebration is about appreciating the birth of one that came to be our savior. And in truth it is not the birth alone we celebrate. The birth was important for if it had not happen we as a race of people would be doomed to death. That is why we celebrate along with the angels and praise his name and sing our glory Alleluias as the angels did that very first Christmas night; however, he was born, lived, and more importantly died so that we would not have to stay in our graves but would be raised up as he was to live life eternally if we choose to. This is what we should really be appreciating and celebrating with our families. Life! Not life as we know it in this corrupt dying world, but life eternal in an incorrupt world. This is the greatest gift of all! The gift of eternal life is what we should appreciate. The birth of that Hebrew baby in Bethlehem was the birth of our hope and the beginning of our salvation.

Santa Clause, Rudolf the Red-nose-Reindeer, the ghost of Jacob Marley and Scrooge are all just make believe characters that help entertain us and also help the grand marketers to exploit the advantages of our giving spirits during the holidays. If we are not careful, they can consume the entire holiday and block out the true meaning of Christmas like a magic trick right before our very eyes. Don’t let that happen. Keep the holidays, but keep them as they aught to be kept by remembering the Christ child’s birth and what it means to mankind. Our appreciation of this fact should illuminate us and make us want to give to the poor and needy, just as Scrooge eventually did with his recourses.

As I ponder over what William James said, that the deepest craving in human nature is to be appreciated; I can only wonder if this applies to the Christ who was born human himself. Surely if we were made in God's image I would say it is highly likely that He too longs to be appreciated. As they look down upon us during this Christmas season from their high station above, I hope my appreciation is seen. May I prove it through my own giving this holiday season. May this holiday find you showing your appreciation too.

Coaching men how to communicate suavely with women

A most efficient way a man can perk up his communication skills with a woman is by listening to her feelings. This might be tricky since he is coming from a different standpoint.

The earliest thing a man should do is to keep in mind how rapidly disagreeable feelings can surface in a dialogue that he feels is going well. These feelings appear from not listening with an appreciation of the woman’s point of view. In order to have a first-rate gender communication take place, a man must begin taking accountability for grasping the way women converse.

Never censure her when you start to become distressed. Her feelings are valid even if they don’t make add up to you. Prior to coming to any inference, appreciate the situation through her eyes. Keep in mind a woman’s key communication needs and employ your conversation to get her feeling validated, valued and appreciated. Devote time to assure her and have her know that you care about what she is saying and feeling. Allow her to feel that you are listening to her and your interaction will improve.

Occasionally males encounter uncomfortable emotions because they do not know what to do to resolve quandaries. To enhance communication, men must oppose the impulse to take the problem entirely off a female counterpart’s shoulders. Minimize offering more solutions. Because women always talk about problems does not mean they don’t know how to crack them themselves. Women fancy men to listen to them.

To enjoy fulfilling communication with women, you do not have to incessantly accede with them. If you conflict, however, you’ll be able to forward your point if you linger until they finished talking. Men frequently talk over each other when they quarrel. They yell and interject each other. Women read these actions as power games, and communication breaks down.

Additionally, do not feign to empathize when you do not, and do not routinely defending yourself. You converse better with women if you confess when you don’t comprehend. If you differ and feel strongly about the issue, let her know that what she said is essential to you. Then tenderly clarify your point of view. If you flub up, especially when you have hurt her feelings, express regret. As you listen and recognize her feelings, you’ll secure the gender gap and unbolt the door to effective communications.

Principles are the key to a congruent life

When you live a congruent life, different parts of your life are no longer split into separate compartments, instead they become part of one integrated whole where each part mutually supports and reinforces each other part.

Many self growth thinkers regard congruency as THE success principle. “Why You Must Bring Congruency Into Your Life” ( achieving-your-dreams. com/articles/articles. php) talks more about this.

For example, you are in a career that appears to be good for you financially at the time but no longer motivates and inspires you. Your lack of love for this career shows through in your attitude and interactions with other people and as a result you may have difficulty in forming friendships leaving you feeling lonely and out of step with the world.

You decide enough is enough! You will change to a career that you feel passionate about…

Fast forward to the new you working at something that you love – now you have passion for what you are doing and the contribution you are making. Now you find that your social circle expands as people are attracted to you as a person that is enthusiastic about what you are doing.

Encouraged by your new life, your stress levels go down, you feel healthier and you eventually find that you are succeeding easily in your new career and even end up financially better off than before.

The way that all the different parts of your life are connected together can work very powerfully for you if you let it. The danger is, it can also work very powerfully against you if you are not congruent in just one area.

PUT PRINCIPLES AT THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE

A state of congruency where your whole life fits together to form a beautiful picture just like a jigsaw puzzle is a worthwhile goal, but how do you get there?

One of the keys is to recognise that all the different parts of your life are ultimately governed by a set of universal rules or principles.

An example is kindness – being kind to friends and family is something that we all recognise as the “right thing to do” and will bring us rewards in terms of stronger and better relationships with our friends and family. Being kind to a stranger can reward you with a better feeling about yourself.

Being kind to your body results in better health, being kind to your co-workers, your employees, your boss will bring benefits in your work life…

Kindness is a universal principle that we can all recognise and that as individuals we can all integrate into our lives and our spirits.

There are many of these principles – love, fairness, being proactive, being responsible for yourself, honesty, integrity… The challenge is to find these principles and align your life around them.

You should remember that principles are deep, fundamental, universal, timeless truths recognised by all religions and systems of belief as being central to harmonious and successful human lives. If you look at them in this way, they can be separated from the more transient beliefs and values of people and groups that sometimes get mistaken for principles.

Principle centred living will lead to a congruent life, the challenge is to build your life around principles.

HOW CAN I FIND OUT MORE ABOUT PRINCIPLES AND PRINCIPLE CENTERED LIVING?

Stephen Convey’s timeless classic “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is a good place to start. The book claims that it is based on the universal principles and as you read it you will find out that this is true.

One of the sections of the book is dedicated to organising your life around principles and making sure that they are integrated across all the different parts of your life in a congruent way. Perhaps the best piece of advice is to get a copy of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, read it and start applying some of the wisdom that’s inside.

One final word of caution – living your life around principles is no quick fix – it takes time, maybe even an entire lifetime to get there, but the results can be very rewarding!

Shyness and self-esteem

While not all shy people have low self-esteem, shyness is usually seen as a symptom of fear or lack of self-confidence. When you're shy, it usually means that you're self-conscious and maybe even worried about what other people think about you. Occasional shyness is normal, but when it becomes a habit, it can be detrimental to your progress in life, work, and love.

Because of the connection between shyness and self-esteem, building your self-esteem step by step can help you overcome your shyness. There are several things you can do to boost your self-esteem, whether you're suffering from depression or you're just having a bad day.

Make an inventory of things that you like about yourself. Do this as often as necessary. You can write anything - from simple things such as your ability to whistle, or more complex things such as your strength of character. It doesn't mean that you should ignore your weaknesses and pretend that they don't exist, you just have to accept yourself for who you are. Don't include things such as financial success, the admiration of your peers, or the way you look. After all, self-esteem is about how you view yourself - these external factors don't matter. When you gauge your strengths, you'll be able to see how unique and valuable you are.

Find something that you're good at, and work on it. If you have the talent for cooking, why not work on some new and original dishes? Activities involving art, such as painting and writing, can definitely give your mind a feeling of freedom and accomplishment. Even bird watching can improve your mood greatly. Whatever your talents are, make sure that you get to "practice" them once a week, so that your mind will be given a chance to refresh itself after a stressful week of work.

Only recall good, happy, and exciting memories. Whenever you're sitting down to think, make sure that you actively call out happy memories. This is because when you start thinking negatively, an entire swarm of negative feelings and memories will come right at you. Don't waste your time with negativity. Think only of the good things you experienced, the great people you encountered, and even funny jokes you heard.

Volunteer your time to the community or work with outreach programs. Being in a team that helps others allows you to think beyond yourself. Keep yourself busy by interacting with other people and learning from them. You'll find that most people are very much like you - they all want to be surrounded by their loved ones, they have their own fears, and they also deal with feelings of inadequacy. When you realize that other people are just like you, you'll see that there's nothing to fear in social situations.

By conquering any feelings of low self-esteem, you will realize that you are deserving of love, admiration, and respect. When you realize this, you will also be able to conquer your shyness during social situations.

The purpose of suffering

Today's world is in turmoil and rapid transition, with larger scale changes on the horizon. In many of the spiritual teachings that have been coming to the Earth in the last 20 years, we are told that suffering is not necessary, or is the result of faulty belief systems, insufficient self love, or a hidden inner desire to suffer.

Though each of these statements contains a kernel of truth, the larger spiritual reality of human suffering is a much more complex situation, that has at it's root the fundamental choices made early in the evolution of humanity, to separate consciousness from the Oneness of the divine Creator.

At the highest levels of God's truth, all is one and there exists no separation. At the levels of human, embodied physical reality, life appears to be filled with the experience of aloneness, separation from God, from love and from truth. This current reality we experience however, is in the process of transformation as we speak.

A new and unprecedented increase in the presence of spiritual light on the Earth has been gradually, and with increasing speed, opening the spiritual awareness of humanity. At the same time, this same light is having a cleansing and purifying effect, causing us to look both within ourselves and around us, to see where we are living out of alignment with love, with truth, and with ourselves.

Dearest Ones, the very fact of existing within a physical body exposes you to the experience of suffering. The body is created with internal programming designed to keep itself alive through a series of biological needs that must be met, such a clean air to breathe, pure water to drink, and healthy food to eat. The body's signals create suffering each day, which motivates the human, embodied self to meet their needs.

Emotional and mental suffering are also a part of the human experience, because the spark of light that is the soul essence of a person, entered into human form for a specific reason. In order to find that which the soul desires to learn, an inner feeling or experience of discontent or suffering arises that motivates the person to seek that which its soul desires.

There is another aspect of suffering that is related to the process of cleansing and purification that is happening on the Earth right now. Imagine you burned your hand years ago, but at the time did not have access to medical care. Your body tried to heal the burn, but it still has a scar is inflamed and painful. Now, times have changed and you have access to medical care, so you go to the doctor and ask for help in healing this old would. The doctor has to lance the wound, open it and drain out the inflamed tissues, in order to relieve the pain. Once this is done, the wound can heal perfectly.

This process of purification that is happening on the Earth right now is opening the individual and collective wounds of humanity. It is a challenging process, because the pain of the past re-surfaces as it is being healed. You may feel for a time that there is more suffering rather than less, and wonder if it will ever end.

The good news is that in today's world, the presence of greater spiritual light is creating more opportunities for complete healing of relationships, old and previously stuck behavior patterns, physical conditions and emotional difficulties. If you are experiencing a healing process, it can help a great deal to hold an attitude of trust and acceptance in relation to the suffering that may emerge.

Rather than berating yourself for not being spiritually evolved enough to transcend the pain, or for other limitations you may perceive yourself to have, let go of your thoughts and judgments. Breathe into the suffering, rather than avoiding it. None of us likes to suffer, but if we can relax around the process, there is less pain because we are flowing rather than rigid.

Be humble and sincere in your prayers, and ask for healing. Accepting and breathing into suffering does not mean you don’t try to find relief. We are human, and no one likes to be in pain, whether it is emotional, physical or energetic pain. Be practical and do what you need to do to help yourself, but hold everything you are experiencing in God's loving embrace. As you move forward and find a path of acceptance for the challenges as well as the joys of spiritual life, you will discover a new level of inner peace, and a strengthening of your faith and trust in God. Your suffering is known by God and it will end, for it is but a step in the process of wholeness in the journey to Oneness with God's love.

What is hypnotherapy and how does it work

Although the word “sleep” is often used in correlation with hypnosis and hypnotherapy, hypnosis is not a state of deep sleep. It does, however, induce a trance-like condition that actually increases the subject’s state of awareness in their own subconscious. Because the subconscious is under the mental surface and we are mostly unaware of it in our normal conscious state, the hypnotic state is necessary to gain access to it.

A hypnotherapist, after the subject is in their hypnotic state, is able to suggest ideas to them as a form of therapy. These ideas are implanted deep into the psyche and can help with any number of issues. For example, while under hypnosis, a therapist may be able to suggest to you that cigarettes taste and smell awful, they make you sick and you want nothing to do with them. This is only a suggestion and may not work 100% the first time. Instead, the next time the subject picks up a cigarette, they may smoke it but will gain less enjoyment from it, hopefully leading them to eventually quit.

Hypnosis is the act of hypnotizing a subject. The practice of healing or positive growth through hypnosis is known as hypnotherapy. This is the method most subjects seek out to help them stop smoking, lost weight, reduce anxiety, and so on. Hypnotherapy focuses on ‘reprogramming’ certain behavior patterns within the mind. This can enable you to conquer your fears, bad habits and negative thoughts toward yourself.

Hypnotherapy can treat physical symptoms as well as mental ones. As the subject is placed under hypnosis, they are much more relaxed. This is more than a mental state, as the blood pressure and breathing will slow, releasing pressure on the heart and other organs. This is effective for pain management and often to promote physical healing after an injury or major surgery. Hypnotherapy is practiced on the principle that the mind and the body are one connected thing and that one can control the other.

Hypnosis is effective as a treatment process chiefly because it allows the subject to shut down the “thinking” part of the brain. In other words, under hypnosis you do not think about the stresses of your everyday life or the logistics. The non-analytical side of the brain (our right hemisphere) is empowered and allowed to be affected and cause changes in the person. This may seem a little far-fetched for some, but millions of people around the world swear by these methods.

Hypnotherapy can treat any number of disorders from bad habits such as smoking and overeating, to suppressed memories that inhibit you from carrying on successful relationships. It has been endorsed by medical professionals as an effective pain management technique and is often chosen over epidural's during childbirth. However, none of these conditions can be treated effectively if the subject does not believe that they will. Because hypnosis is a science of the mind, it cannot be entered into involuntarily and must have your full cooperation in order to be effective.

Enjoy your life change your point of view

"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars."- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts

If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teenager’s disorder’ as well.

Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune---it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the 'problem' at hand. They use 'positive reinterpretation.' In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?

Yours sincerely

Daryl Yew

Control your thoughts manage your anger easily

Having to prove your point on something and wanting to be heard we sometimes feel there is a need to shout. This alternative of shouting or being in the state of anger will make other people feel bad too. Sometimes when there is a feeling that other people is staring at you, your temper goes out of control making you start a fight and your anger goes flying in.

At this time, I think there is a need to seek help and advice. It doesn’t need to be a professional help but it is advisable to do so. The chaotic world that we are living in is making it difficult for us to manage our anger. That’s why the introduction of hypnosis as a helpful way to manage your anger is well accepted today.

Anger management needs a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. If you can’t handle the changes that it brings then better not get into it in the first place. Being in the state of anger means putting yourself in the spot where people could violently be angry at you also.

Feeling very annoyed or extremely angry towards a situation without prior knowing where the problem or issue started is just an implication that the person needs help. There are some styles or forms that some professionals handle anger management issues that are so drastic in their approach and may only worsen the issue or problem. Keep in mind that these issues are very difficult to deal with especially if there is no one to help you control the situation.

Hypnotherapists have been helping people for many years with anger management problems and issues. They introduced hypnosis as a very successful resource to treat anger management issues. Hypnosis nowadays after it was accepted in the medical field as a feasible option for helping people to deal with a great number of anger management issues was also helping in some issues like how to stop smoking, lose weight, and gain confidence.

People get angry because their sub-conscious mind can’t get to the bottom of the situation. It is an area in our brain that should help us resolve some issues like how to manage our temper and anger. Areas also like how to control and manipulate ourselves so we can be able to make the course of the day without being angry or being chaotic.